No more Mrs. Nice Guy.
I took my car in for service today. I had the thought the night before that it wouldn’t take that long, and pulled together a lot of paperwork to just sit there and work on till my car was done.
But when I got there, the service tech strongly recommended taking the shuttle home and coming back for it, because it might take awhile. So against my original feelings and plans, I prepared to board the free shuttle.
Originally there were 3 of us. Me, an older woman and a very large man. The driver invited the older woman to sit up front with him and positioned me and the gentleman in the back seat. Then, at the last minute, another very large man came running out to be on the shuttle. The driver motioned for him to sit on the other side of me. He lived pretty close by. The driver said “You don’t mind, do you?”
I could’ve/should’ve moved, or asked him to move into the back backseat, or said I minded. But I just said “No, it’s ok” and rode for about 20 minutes, squinched between the 2 fat guys, until the latecomer got off.
Then it was down to the original 3 of us left, the driver asked where we were all going. I had been the first to sign up for the shuttle, so I was entitled to be taken home first. But since the man had a job to get to and I didn’t, I offered that we drop him off first.” (note to self: “You jerk!”)
We made some wrong turns and the ride to his destination ending up taking close to an hour. By the time we got there, I was car sick.
I’ve never tolerated rear-suspension well. But I didn’t think the ride was going to be this long or uncomfortable, so I hadn’t told anyone and politely sat in the back seat not saying anything.
By the time we got to the last person’s house (the older woman), I was feeling really sick and finally said something and made the move into the front seat. The driver said “You should’ve spoken up! You could’ve had the front seat!”
I said, “well, I didn’t think it was going to be that long, etc. etc. blah blah blah.”
When I finally walked into my house, after about 2 hours, there was a message that my car was done and I could come and pick it up.
I felt really angry. At myself. For not trusting my original intuition, and then not speaking up for myself, and as a result – having to go through a completely unnecessary, unpleasant experience.
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When my marriage was obviously falling apart, I was furious at my future ex for a long time.
Then a very wise friend said to me – “Why are you angry at him? Your marriage hasn’t been what you’ve wanted for years. I think you’re angry at yourself, for not trusting yourself and your experiences sooner, and moving on a long time ago.”
I have to get better at this intuition thing. It’s not that I don’t have it. I just have to trust it more.
I'm Starting Over 