Here’s a poem I wrote 7 years ago, before divorce was even on the radar.
Around the same time I wrote that poem, I released my first solo CD, which was truly a bold declaration of independence for me – all about breaking away, life changes. Although many changes were obviously going on in my psyche, from all outward appearances, things looked pretty much the same.
It’s funny, my voice teacher always says our spirits know before the rest of us. She’s so right about that one. If any of you write poetry, especially stream-of-consciousness – Seriously check out your work!
Every Little Self-Deception ©amg1 9/2000
Every little self deception
Every little sacrifice
Rolled up in a big package
Made me nice
But now as I try to reclaim them
One by one
It’s too painful
Maybe we can’t get through this after all
Every little “ok honey”
Every little swallowed cry
Every little “no time for dinner –
see you later – bye”
And now I try to tell you
It’s not ok and it never was
I lied to you then
I lied to myself
Maybe we can’t get through this after all
If I were honest before
We wouldn’t’ve been in this mess
But we wouldn’t’ve lasted this long either
Is my guess
I bend
So it doesn’t hurt as much
And I try not to expect you
To do the things you just don’t do
More and more I expect a lot less of you
And it feels so empty
Like fantasy filled me before
But now I know I need
A whole lot more
It’s not ok
It never was
I lied to you and I
lied to myself
And maybe we won’t get through this
No I don’t think we can get through this after all
October 31, 2007 at 3:02 am
Hmmm…looks like at least some of you has been feeling this way for quite some time…