Christmas future, past and present

My brother called and said

So what’re you gonna do?
How’re you gonna live?
Where’re you gonna go

I said I dunno

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Our son’s been home for 2 days and it’s been great.

He knows we’re getting a divorce, but the only visible change for him is that we’re living in separate bedrooms and the abundance of decorative towels that no one’s allowed to use.

Other than that – nothing’s a whole lot different.

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I had actually been semi-dreading the holidays, all prepared to get into the drama of “oh…. this is the last Christmas here… as a family, etc. etc. etc.,” but it’s actually been very nice. We’re all on good behavior and have fallen into the very nice family traditions, and enjoying others’ company.

One of our traditions that developed many years ago was getting a tree at the last minute. It didn’t happen on purpose, but we had one particularly crazy year where we ended up doing everything at the very last minute; and that was that year we learned you can get a GREAT deal on any tree you want if you wait till Christmas eve, and have since made it one of our holiday traditions.

So we’ll go out and get our tree and some logs, then come back and take our annual Christmas eve light-looking walk, decorate the tree and watch Hairspray. Santa will get over here at some point and tomorrow morning we’ll sit around and drink hot chocolate and open gifts by the fire.

 

Thanksgiving, families, divorce and reality

My future ex and I are still living together until we sell our house. We’re friends and have chosen to spend the holidays together. Our son won’t be in this Thanksgiving, so We’ve decided to go to a favorite restaurant that’s serving traditional turkey dinner.

Our other extended families are celebrating in different parts of the country, and this year neither of us found the whatever to pull all the logistics and travel arrangements together.

A card with a gift arrived from my parents yesterday. They always send one around this time of year. Only this time, for the first time, it was addressed only to me. It was strange, I have to admit. My future ex was definitely taken aback. But I was like – “what did you expect? We’re getting a divorce.”

Neither of us have ever had a close relationship with them, but I’m still their daughter, and I do call over there every few weeks. So I guess in their heads they’ve adjusted the basic math. Two minus one.

Another friend of mine is having a big potluck dinner over at her house. She invited us over for today. I thought that sounded good, but not so much to my future ex, as she’s more “my” friend and he was a bit uncomfortable the last time we were there, so we’re sticking with the restaurant plan.

It’s good we’re getting a divorce. That’s the way it should be. And I’m looking forward to a nice Thanksgiving.

 

Thanksgiving and Hallmark cards & sappy vs. ironic and family

I used to want to stick my finger down my throat at Hallmark commercials.

Maybe it’s because I never grew up in a Hallmark family with all those warm Hallmark feelings, it was easy to make fun of them as sappy and ridiculous.Even in card giving within my family, the funniest, most ironic card always won.

I used to think it was a riot to give someone who was 16 a card with a happy elephant on it that said “Now you’re 6!” and pencil in the “1” next to it. When I was 13 I had my first boyfriend and he used to send me these beautiful cards with romantic lovers on the front and inside for two pages he would sincerely profess his undying love.

I loved those cards and I treasured every one. But I hid those cards secretly away, partly for obvious reasons, and partly because I would’ve been totally embarassed in front of my family about my taste in men/his taste in cards, had those cards ever surfaced.

Some of the hardest cards to buy have always been mother’s day or father’s day cards, because they’re almost always mushy, or they at least hint of love, and the “funny” ones are usually pretty lame.

My parents grew up in hard times. They both grew up in fatherless homes with young immigrant mothers struggling for their families survival. Those were not Hallmark times for sure. And my parents, given their family backgrounds and social heritage, clearly felt no inclination or awareness to create any magical happy family world for us kids.

But the romantic in me, I still get a little wistful for those idealized families I would see on TV, which is what kept me going back home every year for the holidays, thinking this time it was going to be like one of those slice-of-life commercials.

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I have an awesome son. He’s 21 and for over a year has been out on his own in the job of his dreams (in another state). We’ve always had Thanksgiving together as a family, my husband, son & I, sometimes with other members of extended family, sometimes with friends, but always together as a family.

I’ve been after him for 3 months now to find out about Thanksgiving, to see if he’ll be able to get off work to come home – and to let me know as soon as possible so I could make plane reservations.

Yesterday he finally let me know he could get off work for those four days and would like to come home. I got on the internet and flights were considerably higher than a month ago and he would have to shorten his stay to 3 days (no flights available on Sunday), but it was still doable. He had to look into some logistics on his end and would get back to me.

By the time he got back to me, that flight was gone. Two hours later he had discovered another option and left me a phone message. By the time I got his message and got back to him, that flight had disappeared also. We were both scrambling all over the internet for options, but they had dried up before our eyes.

He told me well not to worry then. He probably had some friends who would be around to spend Thanksgiving with, and he’ll just see us for Christmas when he’ll have two weeks off and then we’ll be able to catch up on all our celebrating then.

I know that makes the most sense at this point. But this will be the first Thanksgiving without him here, and it’s getting to me.