I’m Starting Over

It’s funny the little thoughts that can run through our heads and distract us from unpleasant realities.

On her first, CD, “Little Earthquakes”, Tori Amos wrote a chilling song about the experience of being raped and the chorus goes something like 

“Me and a gun and a man on my back. 

But I haven’t been to Barbados so I must get out of here”

Then she goes on to sing about the sweet biscuits in Carolina, all the while she’s being raped.

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I love cats.  I used to have two cats and they were some of the lights of my life.  The second one died about 4 years go and there were too many changes going on that I knew it was definitely not the time to bring any new animals into the household.

Someday I will have cats again, but of course, now is still not the time.

Anyway, yesterday when I realized my house was about to be torn apart, all I could think of was how much I wanted a cat.  Then I started feeling frustrated because if I brought one home, well, there’d be a hole in the upstairs floor and that would be really dangerous.  Maybe we could somehow rope off that area…. Or just keep the door to that room closed – yeah! that would work.  But then there’d be all that debris everywhere from the demolition crews and it would be impossible to keep the cat out of the kitchen  – unless we locked her up in another room?… but that wouldn’t be so good – a new pet and all… damn! how are we going to work this out!

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Some people turn to drugs or alcohol.  Tori goes to Barbados.  Me, I fantasize about sitting on the couch with a cat on my lap.  Pretty wild, huh?

What a weird day.  

I woke up really foggy and spacey and kept asking myself, now what did I eat last night?  Because I was feeling so weird.

Around 9:00 I took a shower and then went into the kitchen to have coffee with my ex.

As we sat there talking about our plans for the day, pieces of the ceiling started falling on us.  Then he looked at the wall behind me and asked if there had there been a coffee spill because there was a big area on it that was brown and stained and wet – like someone had just thrown coffee at it.

So he cleaned up the “coffee spill’ while I called the plumber, who showed up pretty quickly. Then the plumber’s supervisor, who happened to be in the neighborhood, also stopped in.  

I had to go out for about an hour, but when I got back there was a big hole in the kitchen ceiling and another company had just arrived with de-humidifiers which are now going to be going full blast in the kitchen and the master bathroom (which houses the shower that is right about the kitchen) for the next four days.

They don’t know what caused the mini-flood yet, but suspect it may’ve been building up for awhile, possibly years, culminating in today’s impressive display.  Or it might’ve been a pipe that burst.   We won’t know much more until tomorrow, when the clean up crew comes out to rip out the kitchen ceiling and half of the upstairs bathroom, including the  shower and tub.

I’m glad I already spent the money I did on things I need, because if I hadn’t, I don’t know if I would right now.  I’m just hoping insurance will cover some of this.

Then I would’ve stayed home this evening to recover from the day’s excitement, but I was also desiring to get away from the sound of the de-humidifiers, so I went to an open mic where I ran into a musician friend and was telling him about my day.  

I told him how I should’ve known something was up because I was feeling so strange all morning before it happened, like something in me knew what a fun day I had in store and he said Yeah – he sees a light every morning when he gets up, and a few times that light had been black, and it turned out to be a very bad day.

Hmm.  Ok.

It’s late and I’m tired and would like to go to bed, but I’m going to sleep in my office tonight and I need my ex’s help adjusting the futon.  I hope he gets home from his gig soon. 

I’m booking my first out-of-state tour.  In March I’m going to go up the coast of California, and then back down again.  That’s my plan.  I have 2 good dates in Southern California, 2 weeks apart, and I’m now preparing to fill the rest in.

I went to a music conference last week and met a lot of great people who gave me suggestions of places to look into and I’m following up on them all.  I’m loving my new contact management program, “Indie Band Manager”.  What a great investment! (I’m patting myself on the back here)

There’s an old musician joke that goes something like “What will the musician do if he wins the lottery”?  Answer:  ”Keep working till he runs out of money.”  Implying that being a musician is a money pit, and many musicians work for less than free.  It’s 100% true when you’re first starting out.  

(btw, I heard a great musician’s joke last week that I’ve been sharing with everybody:  What do you call a girl on the arm of a banjo player?  A tattoo.)

Anyway, If I just went in & out of CA for those good gigs that are 2 weeks apart, I’d clear a slight profit.  But I’m feeling, if this is what I believe I want to do,  I need to put myself out there, start building an audience, letting people know who I am and what I do. The title of my last CD was “Visible.”  Well, it’s time. 

Today I booked a “songwriter showcase” gig there (i.e. – good exposure/no-pay) and may end up booking a few more.  

I figure I can live on about $100/day.  If I can stay with friends or fellow musicians anywhere along the way, sell some CDs & t-shirts, get at least a few more ok paying gigs during those two weeks, I won’t go too far down the hole and will hopefully a) set the stage for stronger follow-up tours and b) get a clearer idea if this is something I want to do, or not. 

You gotta try.  And I keep reminding myself, if not now, then when?

As you can see, I haven’t been blogging lately.  I’ve been busy moving ahead and buying stuff.  I bought a new MAC laptop computer last week.  I’ve been a PC person all my life, but I heard that the MACs were very streamlined, easy to use and don’t accumulate a lot of crap, so I thought that would be perfect for my new streamlined life.  I still have a lot of file transferring to do, but so far I really it.  Simple. 

The Address book feature that comes with it isn’t as sophisticated as the Outlook Express that came with my PC, so I realized I was going to have to buy new contact management software.  I just purchased “Indie Band Manager” – a contact management/musician-on-the-road/booking management software – all-in-one, and I’m learning how to use that.

Then I changed my hair again last week.  Wasn’t 100% convinced, but I’ve been getting unsolicited rave reviews, so guess it’s working out.  

It’s not like I’m rich.  I’m not at all.  I just want a new life and know what tools I need to have in place to move on.   

So, now I’ve got my new lo-mileage car, my new IPhone with internet access and GPS, my new laptop and my new hair & a bunch of great new clothes.  I also shut down by internet business “The Starting Over Store.”  It was taking up too much of my time and energy and I’ve decided I’d rather sing.

 I’m almost ready to leave.