Last night we had some real excitement here.

At around midnight, my future ex came running into my room in a panic and collapsed on my bed.  He said the whole room was spinning and wouldn’t stop and he felt nauseous.  I went online and typed in his symptoms and saw page after page of vertigo.  I said “What do you want to do?” and he said he needed to go to the hospital.  He was doing really bad.

So I tried to get him up and dressed but he couldn’t move and he said he thought he needed an ambulance so I called 911.

Less than even 10 minutes later, the doorbell rings.  There’s a fire truck in front of out house and 5 big, gorgeous guys come walking up to the door.  Three of them in full fireman regalia.  If this had been almost any TV show, one of them would’ve been carrying a CD player.  “Hello Ma’am.  We’re here to put out your emergency!”

So I’m standing there thinking: “Holy sh?@#t!  There’s half a pin-up calendar in my house!”

So they all came up stairs (into my bedroom!) and proceeded to take my future ex’s vital signs and concluded blood pressure and heart were good, so he was probably all right – just the onset of a terrible flu that’s going around.  They could take him to the hospital, or he could just stay here, where he’d probably be more comfortable.

One of the men said someone had just taken an older woman to the hospital with the flu about an hour ago, and the ambulance hadn’t come back yet, and that’s why we got the whole fire truck.

My future ex was still doing pretty terrible earlier this morning, but he’s doing a lot better now.  We tried to make a doctor’s appointment for him today, but apparently his doctor is so sick with the same thing that he can’t even make it into his own office for treatment.

The guy from the doctor’s office who called offered that maybe he should put the two of them in touch anyway so at least they could commiserate with each other.

I said to the patient: “it’s too bad you were so sick last night, because it was pretty exciting here.  There were 5 really cute big strong firemen in our house and a big fire truck parked out front.

He said he had been too out of it too notice, but he did appreciate they somehow got him from upstairs to downstairs and he had felt lighter than air.  He said to me: “Did you tell them about yourself?  That you write music?”  I said “No, but one of them asked me if I was a doctor, because I was so calm and my handwriting was so crummy.”

I said, “It was great that there were 5 of them here, but it’s too bad there wasn’t more for all of them to do than you – like a cat up a tree or something.”

I wonder what it takes to become an EMT?