Signs of Recovery?

One of the headlines when I opened my Yahoo account today was “Signs of Recovery.”  Well, I hope that’s true, because things are a little bit scary here.  All the safety nets I had counted on when going through this whole process, knowing I’d be ok with a year or two to get myself up & running – aren’t there.

We couldn’t sell this house, our main “asset”, & now it’s only worth about half it’s previous value.  My private teaching practice has dwindled greatly.  I’m attributing some of that to the summer… people going away etc. – hopefully that’s all it is…. but things still haven’t begun re-popping.  And then there was supposed to be a few years of some spousal support.  The first year was good, but now it’s all dwindled and my ex-spouse has even less income than I do and you can’t bleed water from a stone.  So, scary times.

I have a few shows coming up in September/October.  They’re big shows – great exposure, etc.  Let’s see if/where that all leads.

But if things don’t shift dramatically here real soon, I’m thinking about packing it all in and living out of my car for while.  Going on the road.  Working or not.  Just driving driving driving to someplace new.

 

Been awhile again

Well, it’s been awhile again.  So many things have changed.  I’ve moved on.  Still living with my ex.  Financial reasons – market’s been terrible.  But still, I’ve moved on in so many ways.

I took my webstore down – it had been hastilly conceived, poorly planned and expensive to maintain.  But a lot of good did come out of it, so I’m in the process of building a new, scaled-down model that will grow more organically, as I can handle it.

I’m doing a lot more performing, which I love, and a lot less teaching, which is a little worrisome, because I depend on it for much of my income, but students don’t seem to be as plentiful as in the past.  For years I had a waiting list.  Now people will call and say “How much do you charge?” And if they find someone cheaper, you’re out.  Price shopping for teachers!  So I’m working on finding more and more, new ways of filling in this financial gap.

So that’s where things are at.  Movin’ on.  Older, wiser, and still, very much in the trenches, still “starting over.”  Who would’ve thought it could take so long?

 

“You’re in good hands with Allstate” and other meaningless advertising slogans

When I was much younger and very into the concept of “love”, “falling in love” and all the good stuff that comes with that, Canada Dry put out an advertising campaign with a catchy jingle “Ginger Ale tastes like love.”  

Also,  being much younger, I was very much into my opinions and getting huffy and indignant about things and I remember how particularly huffy and indignant (and offended?) I got about this particular advertising campaign, vehemently opining to anyone who would listen to me “What do they mean it tastes like love!!!!!  How dare they compare their soda to love!  I like ginger ale, but comparing it to LOVE That cheapens the whole sentiment (etc. etc.)!!!”

Eventually I got over it.

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I am insured by Allstate.  I have my car insurance, homeowners insurance and life insurance policies with them.  My ex & I have been with Allstate for over 15 years, paying them almost $500 a month in assorted premiums.

When I first noticed the water leaking into my kitchen, on a Thursday, I called the plumber.  When the plumber came out, and realized there was probably a ton of water in the ceiling, they said they would have to get in there immediately, dry it out and find the source.

Right away I called Allstate Claims.  I told them everything that was going on, what we were doing (ripping out the ceiling shower floor, etc.),  Allstate said they would send an adjuster out the following Tuesday, and added that all the contractors could contact them directly for billing.  

The Claims rep. appeared very concerned, and added  “Will you need to stay in a hotel?”  What a wonderful “good hands” feeling sort of thing!  

The adjuster came out that Tuesday.  By now, the whole upstairs shower had been ripped out, as well as the kitchen ceiling underneath.  He looked over some of the beams and said “it’s obvious that this has been going on for awhile.  Allstate will only cover “sudden and accidental loss” claims for water damage.

I said, well this was sudden for us.  The leak in the kitchen was the first time we became aware of any problem, and dealt with it immediately.”  The adjuster replied while that may be so, it appeared obvious that this has been going on for awhile.

To which I mildly sarcastically retorted “So, as a homeowner, my responsibility is to periodically rip out the ceilings to make sure there’s no water collecting anywhere?” 

He laughed and said something like “pretty much.”

The report from Allstate came back they were denying the claim because 1) there were signs of long term leakage from underneath shower pan and 2) because we had been advised not to do  demolition prior to inspection”.  This part was a lie.  Allstate knew full well everything that was going on.

The lie part of the report got me so angry that I consulted an attorney, who told me there was no case because the policy did state the damage had to be “sudden and accidental” and Allstate was able to make a case that it wasn’t.  

I called my agent to express my unhappiness at all that had transpired, that they weren’t covering any of this.  He said, well, you actually have our premium homeowners’ policy.  

What can you say.  Yippee.  I have the super duper deluxe policy.  Good for me.

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A parade of amicable repairmen have been trouncing through my house this past month, from demolition guys to plumbers to tilers to ceiling-drying people to shower rebuilders, everyone assuming my insurance company would be covering their bill.  

When I’ve said no and they ask whom I’m with & I tell them Allstate, more than one has made the same funny joke: “You’re in good hands with Allstate, until you make a claim.”  Many have recommended other companies who would’ve covered this, and I will be doing some shopping soon.

It’s funny, one of my students, a little girl, was over the house the other day and I was updating her mother on all the action here and the little girl looked at me wide-eyed and surprised and said “Allstate!  But I’ve always heard ‘You’re in good hands with Allstate!”

The older you get, the more cynical you become to the hype and glitter of advertising slogans.  All the crappy promises out there, really.    show me da money.   

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It’s a new year coming up.  Everything, all new.  New president.

A lot of my friends were serious Obama supporters.  Mostly for reasons like “He’s going to bring much needed change to our country.  He offers hope.”

A comedy show I tuned into a few weeks before the election was doing a thing on Obama as the “Chope” candidate.  (Change and Hope = “Chope”).  They kept chanting   “chope”.  It was actually pretty funny.

Things aren’t that funny right now for a lot of people.  There’s an air of depression in the air, what with the economy and all, so many people are scared, hoping for things to get better, afraid they won’t.

I’m hoping that the “chope” candidate will be able to come through on all his good promises and slogans.  A lot of people are.

  

 

The little thoughts that run through our heads

It’s funny the little thoughts that can run through our heads and distract us from unpleasant realities.

On her first, CD, “Little Earthquakes”, Tori Amos wrote a chilling song about the experience of being raped and the chorus goes something like 

“Me and a gun and a man on my back. 

But I haven’t been to Barbados so I must get out of here”

Then she goes on to sing about the sweet biscuits in Carolina, all the while she’s being raped.

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I love cats.  I used to have two cats and they were some of the lights of my life.  The second one died about 4 years go and there were too many changes going on that I knew it was definitely not the time to bring any new animals into the household.

Someday I will have cats again, but of course, now is still not the time.

Anyway, yesterday when I realized my house was about to be torn apart, all I could think of was how much I wanted a cat.  Then I started feeling frustrated because if I brought one home, well, there’d be a hole in the upstairs floor and that would be really dangerous.  Maybe we could somehow rope off that area…. Or just keep the door to that room closed – yeah! that would work.  But then there’d be all that debris everywhere from the demolition crews and it would be impossible to keep the cat out of the kitchen  – unless we locked her up in another room?… but that wouldn’t be so good – a new pet and all… damn! how are we going to work this out!

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Some people turn to drugs or alcohol.  Tori goes to Barbados.  Me, I fantasize about sitting on the couch with a cat on my lap.  Pretty wild, huh?

 

Sky is falling

What a weird day.  

I woke up really foggy and spacey and kept asking myself, now what did I eat last night?  Because I was feeling so weird.

Around 9:00 I took a shower and then went into the kitchen to have coffee with my ex.

As we sat there talking about our plans for the day, pieces of the ceiling started falling on us.  Then he looked at the wall behind me and asked if there had there been a coffee spill because there was a big area on it that was brown and stained and wet – like someone had just thrown coffee at it.

So he cleaned up the “coffee spill’ while I called the plumber, who showed up pretty quickly. Then the plumber’s supervisor, who happened to be in the neighborhood, also stopped in.  

I had to go out for about an hour, but when I got back there was a big hole in the kitchen ceiling and another company had just arrived with de-humidifiers which are now going to be going full blast in the kitchen and the master bathroom (which houses the shower that is right about the kitchen) for the next four days.

They don’t know what caused the mini-flood yet, but suspect it may’ve been building up for awhile, possibly years, culminating in today’s impressive display.  Or it might’ve been a pipe that burst.   We won’t know much more until tomorrow, when the clean up crew comes out to rip out the kitchen ceiling and half of the upstairs bathroom, including the  shower and tub.

I’m glad I already spent the money I did on things I need, because if I hadn’t, I don’t know if I would right now.  I’m just hoping insurance will cover some of this.

Then I would’ve stayed home this evening to recover from the day’s excitement, but I was also desiring to get away from the sound of the de-humidifiers, so I went to an open mic where I ran into a musician friend and was telling him about my day.  

I told him how I should’ve known something was up because I was feeling so strange all morning before it happened, like something in me knew what a fun day I had in store and he said Yeah – he sees a light every morning when he gets up, and a few times that light had been black, and it turned out to be a very bad day.

Hmm.  Ok.

It’s late and I’m tired and would like to go to bed, but I’m going to sleep in my office tonight and I need my ex’s help adjusting the futon.  I hope he gets home from his gig soon. 

 

Booking my first tour

I’m booking my first out-of-state tour.  In March I’m going to go up the coast of California, and then back down again.  That’s my plan.  I have 2 good dates in Southern California, 2 weeks apart, and I’m now preparing to fill the rest in.

I went to a music conference last week and met a lot of great people who gave me suggestions of places to look into and I’m following up on them all.  I’m loving my new contact management program, “Indie Band Manager”.  What a great investment! (I’m patting myself on the back here)

There’s an old musician joke that goes something like “What will the musician do if he wins the lottery”?  Answer:  ”Keep working till he runs out of money.”  Implying that being a musician is a money pit, and many musicians work for less than free.  It’s 100% true when you’re first starting out.  

(btw, I heard a great musician’s joke last week that I’ve been sharing with everybody:  What do you call a girl on the arm of a banjo player?  A tattoo.)

Anyway, If I just went in & out of CA for those good gigs that are 2 weeks apart, I’d clear a slight profit.  But I’m feeling, if this is what I believe I want to do,  I need to put myself out there, start building an audience, letting people know who I am and what I do. The title of my last CD was “Visible.”  Well, it’s time. 

Today I booked a “songwriter showcase” gig there (i.e. – good exposure/no-pay) and may end up booking a few more.  

I figure I can live on about $100/day.  If I can stay with friends or fellow musicians anywhere along the way, sell some CDs & t-shirts, get at least a few more ok paying gigs during those two weeks, I won’t go too far down the hole and will hopefully a) set the stage for stronger follow-up tours and b) get a clearer idea if this is something I want to do, or not. 

You gotta try.  And I keep reminding myself, if not now, then when?

 

Buying stuff

As you can see, I haven’t been blogging lately.  I’ve been busy moving ahead and buying stuff.  I bought a new MAC laptop computer last week.  I’ve been a PC person all my life, but I heard that the MACs were very streamlined, easy to use and don’t accumulate a lot of crap, so I thought that would be perfect for my new streamlined life.  I still have a lot of file transferring to do, but so far I really it.  Simple. 

The Address book feature that comes with it isn’t as sophisticated as the Outlook Express that came with my PC, so I realized I was going to have to buy new contact management software.  I just purchased “Indie Band Manager” – a contact management/musician-on-the-road/booking management software – all-in-one, and I’m learning how to use that.

Then I changed my hair again last week.  Wasn’t 100% convinced, but I’ve been getting unsolicited rave reviews, so guess it’s working out.  

It’s not like I’m rich.  I’m not at all.  I just want a new life and know what tools I need to have in place to move on.   

So, now I’ve got my new lo-mileage car, my new IPhone with internet access and GPS, my new laptop and my new hair & a bunch of great new clothes.  I also shut down by internet business “The Starting Over Store.”  It was taking up too much of my time and energy and I’ve decided I’d rather sing.

 I’m almost ready to leave.

 

Freedom Precious Freedom

I just got back from a great weekend. I was invited to perform at a house concert/party on Saturday night in northern California where I will be doing some touring in the near future, so it was great to get out there and connect with new people.

I made plans to come into town early Friday, and then leave late on Sunday, with the intention of hooking up with friends. But after I had made all my non-refundable plans, I learned that everyone I knew was either out of town or unavailable that weekend, so I decided take a mini-vacation for myself.

I went online to Hotwire.com and got a room in a cutesy little art gallery/Bentley-infested beach town for $79.00 a night. Cool!

The first day, after I finally got there, I was a little tired from all the traveling (only got lost 2x though & new IPhone GPS was a big help!), so even though I managed to get in a little beach time, I shortly retired to my room with a take-out from the downstairs chop house (kobe beef & gruyere cheese on thinly sliced chip-style potatoes – yum!) and watched the debates. It was actually pretty great. The beef, cheese & chips combination I mean.

The next morning I got up around 7 and had to walk outside in order to get to the hotel lobby where the free coffee was, and the air was incredible. Cool and sea-breezy. So I got my coffee and just kept walking. For about a mile,  down the relatively deserted streets, past all the cute houses and shops and purple flowers everywhere, humming the Joni Mitchell song “When morning comes to Morgantown.”

I kept walking, all the way down to the beach, where I passed a few fisherman and people walking their dogs. It was a perfect morning.

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A few hours later when I was preparing to check out and leave for the place where the concert was going to be (about an hour away), I decided to pick up some flowers to bring to my hosts. I drove to a nearby (very cute!) market and there was a very nice looking man holding a motorcycle helmet standing in line in front of me. He said “Are you buying those flowers for me?” I said “Yes. Thank you for last night.”

We spoke briefly outside as I admired his Harley, and exchanged #s. He had a wonderful, Armenian accent and he said “I’m going to call you when I get back to… but it might not be a few days till.. etc. etc.” He said he was just trying to reassure me that he wasn’t a “typical guy” who said he would call and then not.” I reassured him. I said “That’s ok. I don’t care.”

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Then I drove to my hosts’ house where the party would be. It was an amazing house – the second to the last one, high up on a hill. There was only one house higher, but you couldn’t see it from the road because it had it’s own little entry gate and road to get to it. I asked my host if that other house was fancier than his, and he said oh yes – it was about double the size! Which was something – because the guestroom I was staying in was already bigger than my first house.

The concert/party went wonderful. A lot of great music, and I made a lot of great, new connections with wonderful people.

Then the next morning I hung out with a fellow singer/songwriter/philosopher who had also spent the night there. We sat on the veranda (as someone had clarified for me – this was not a “patio”, or a “deck”, but a “veranda” – seats around 60-80 pretty comfortably) overlooking the valley, as we sipped our coffee amidst more purple flowers.

He’s been divorced a long time and we got to talking about how people sometimes move right into new relationships, too quickly, and end up with a clone of the previous one.

I get it. I get lonely.  Sometimes a little scared. It would’ve been nice to have someone to hold hands with on the beach the day before, or to eat cheese and chips with (although they would’ve had to order their own:). And then, so many of these not-quite-right but-sort-of-ok men or work opportunities have come along, and I can almost see those little birdcages with their doors open calling to me: “come in! come in!” Ready to whisk this  hayseed out of the sky and lock the door tight behind me.

But this precious freedom right now… Lock yourself in the wrong birdcage and there is no romantic beach to walk on, even if you do catch the bird.

 

Mile High Goals

I had lunch today with my friend KP who’s in a life situation similar to mine – she’s around my age, has been married most of her life, and is also going through a divorce. Only difference is, I’m divorced and still living with my ex, and she & her husband are not yet divorced, but he’s moved out.

KP and I talked about our dreams, goals, and plans for the future, and what we’re going to do when we’re finally, truly, on our own.

I asked her if she had done any dating yet, and she said no, not until she’s officially divorced. She asked me if I was dating and I said no, not until I’m officially not living with my ex.

She expressed worthy goals and plans. She wants to travel, get a new car, maybe go back for her masters, and join the Mile High club.

I said to her, with all the new airline regulations, it will probably be easier for her to get her masters than to join the Mile High club.

She said no, someone she knows has a Cessna with a big bed in the back and his business is taking couples up in his plane so they can qualify for membership.  So all she will need is a boyfriend.

I said to her, if she shares her goals and dreams with men that come into her life, she shouldn’t have any problems getting dates.

She admitted I had a good point.  But for now, those dreams are for the future.

Re: dating, we’re both thinking, maybe mid-2009.

 

giant monster attacks New York City

More divorce sorting out.

We each got our own cell phone plans, so we’re not longer on the “family plan”, and I got a new I-Phone. LOVE it!

Then we went to the Corporation Commission and formed an LLC to deal with the business that we still do together.

It’s been muggy here and I’ve been sleepy all day. I just got in from teaching and was glad to see that a new Netflix had arrived. I had never heard of it (Cloverfield?), but started reading the description on the back, and it sounded good, till the part about the giant monster launching an attack on New York City and people scrambling in the streets to stay alive. Ok.

It’ll be good to have my own Netflix subscription one day too.